INTERESTING … OR … INTERESTED …

Have you ever had a conversation with someone who in the moment was truly interesting?  If you are like most, then you probably were captivated with what they said, how intelligent they seemed, or their story telling ability, etc.  We all love being around ‘interesting’ people at least for a moment.  If you think of people like that ask yourself, how often do you develop a REAL relationship with that person?  Why is that?

Let me help you out … contrast that experience with another person who seems to take a genuine interest in you and what is important to you.  I would venture that it is a noticeably different experience.  Ultimately, we develop relationships with people who take a genuine interest in us.  So at this moment you might be asking yourself … so what … nothing new in that … I agree.  But sometimes the most sage advice is but a repackaging of an established truism.  I would rather be ‘interested’ than ‘interesting’, if my desire is to engage in a conversation and develop a relationship with someone (to bring it down to a business level – no sale until you become ‘interested’ NOT ‘interesting’).

I struggle, at times, with balancing these concepts.  Recently a friend reminded me of this when I was on one of my verbose tangents (no surprise there eh).  Since that gentle nudge, I have been reminding myself to pay attention to the difference.  Maybe someday it will be second nature for me, until then I’m good with my friends ‘busting’ me every once and while.   

But for everyone else, why even bother wasting time and space blogging about this simple concept.  Well for the past several weeks I have been reviewing blogs, websites, advertising, newsletters, web posts, Facebook, Tweets, etc., and the one constant principle seems to be a focus on being ‘interesting’ rather than ‘interested’.  The greatest violator of this basic principle seems to be realtors – they have cornered the market on being ‘interesting’ (although for some that is even a stretch).  If you look close enough it quickly bleeds through everything we put out in the market whether in writing or verbal communications.

Another friend sent me a link to an author and public speaker who is writing a book (scheduled for publication in 2010) on Leadership.  He is writing his book in a collaborative fashion (interesting development in writing – thanks to the Internet and blogs) – meaning as he writes a chapter he posts it on his blog and refines the chapter based upon reader feedback and comments.  While reading Chapter 2, the author touches upon a similar theme.  So I thought it might be interesting (here I go) to share his comments with you.

John Maxwell on Leadership:

“When I began my career as a minister, I was not about others. When I counseled people who were experiencing difficulties, my attitude was, “Hurry up and finish telling me your problem so I can give you my solution.” When I was leading any kind of initiative, I constantly asked myself, “How can I get people to buy into my vision so that they’ll help me with my dreams?” When I spoke to an audience, I was focused on myself and not them. I lived for positive feedback. And my goal was always to be impressive. Much of what I did was all about me, yet I still wasn’t succeeding.

When I was twenty-nine years old, my dad invited me and my brother-in-law, Steve Throckmorton, to attend a Success Seminar in Dayton, Ohio, where I heard a speaker who understood how to connect with people. I sat there mesmerized.

I remember thinking, This is someone who understands success. I like him. But there’s more to it than that—he really understands me. He knows what I believe. He understands what I’m thinking. He knows what I feel. He can help me. I would love to be his friend. I already feel like he’s my friend.

That speaker was Zig Ziglar. And that day he said something that changed my life: “If you will first help people get what they want, they will help you get what you want.” Finally, I understood what had been missing from my own communication—and from my interaction with other people. I saw how selfish and self-centered I’d been. I realized that I was trying to get ahead by correcting others when I should have been trying to connect with others.

What I learned was that connecting is never about me. It’s about the person with whom I’m communicating. Similarly, when you are trying to connect with people, it’s not about you—it’s about them. If you want to connect with others, you have to get over yourself. You have to change the focus from inward to outward, off of yourself and onto others.

And I know you can do this, because I did! You can connect with others if you’re willing to get off your own agenda, think about others, and try to understand who they are and what they want. If you’re willing to learn how to connect, you will be amazed at the doors that will open to you and the people you will be able to work with. All you have to do is keep reminding yourself that connecting is all about others.”

Whether you are an attorney, an accountant, mechanic, contractor, realtor or a financial advisor we all need to communicate effectively to engage in any type of relationship – whether that relationship is personal or professional in nature.  How we navigate building rapport with people and demonstrate genuine ‘interest’ in another person will ultimately drive that relationship.  So how are you choosing to be ‘interested’ today with the people in your life?  Or are you going to be more like me sometimes, and put your head down and head to your office as you close the door to move through your day?

I hope you enjoyed the reflection, and take the time to consider how these questions may present other opportunities for you today.  Most importantly, I hope you make it a GREAT day and week!!  If you wish to read all the other Monday Morning Mojos written for you, then visit: http://mondaymojo.blogspot.com.  As always, I welcome and encourage your feedback and your reflections (please don’t hesitate to share your thoughts with me).  If I can be of service to you or your friends, please let me know or visit us at http://www.coastalcommunityhomes.com.  And, thank you for your continued support and inspiration … each of you are a cherished gift that enriches my life in ways you will never understand … Thank you!!  Jim Peys